Confidence Strategy Challenge

I’ve always had an issue with the word ‘set’ a boundary because it makes it sound like an all or nothing where only one person can be a winner. And that doesn’t create a healthy dynamic.

The reality is that boundaries need to be porous because we don’t live in forts. As human beings, we’re wired for relationships. We need each other to help and heal. It’s this mutual benefit that feeds our confidence and makes us feel good about ourselves.

Secondly, and importantly for the workplace, you cannot say an outright no to your boss or colleague without hurting your career in some way. You need to be able to honor their request in a way that doesn’t sabotage your own goals and wellbeing. 

In his research on givers and takers, Wharton professor and psychologist Adam Grant found that givers are at both ends of the success spectrum—at the top and at the bottom. The difference is in how much of their time they’re willing to give

Those at the top do help others, but limit the time they spend doing so, so that it’s not at the expense of their own needs, values, and ambitions. Those at the bottom prioritize other people’s needs over their own and end up in that unhappy place where both the relationship and their success is compromised. 

This is why I like the word adjust when speaking of boundaries. It allows you to push the boundary away from yourself so you have room to grow but not so far away that it limits the other person’s growth. 

So how do we adjust?

The How

Step 1:

Think of something you
did today that you feel good about. 

Identify the people who are hindering your ability to live with integrity.

How are they getting in your way? What are they doing or not doing that’s curtailing your life or career? When you say yes to them, what are you saying no to? Is it worth it? Does it really benefit them, or the relationship?

Step 2:

Now complete this sentence

What does a win-win look like?

Every situation is different, but the underlying question is the same:

How can I help the other person while being true to myself and what matters to me?

For example, if your colleague wants you to help them out and that would mean you missing your workout or child’s soccer practice, let them know you can only give ‘x’ minutes of your time / suggest another person who can help them / another day when you’ll have more time.

If your child isn’t doing their chores, what about a conversation of why it’s important for them and for your sanity. Ask them what gets in the way. See if you can help.

Prioritize your needs and vision and everything else will fall into place.

Step 3:

To build a habit of today’s strategy,

You know the drill—print / download and save 😂 And please invite other women to join us by sharing this link—they’ll get all the 8 strategies including what we’ve already covered 🙂