Confidence Strategy Challenge

If there’s one strategy that’s absolutely critical to your confidence, it’s this one! Because our minds are wired to be on the lookout for threats. And very often, they see threat even where it doesn’t exist.

Add to that the fact that women tend to have an exceptionally noisy and critical inner voice, especially those of us who are ambitious and conscientious. And the reasons go all the way back to our biology, upbringing, and the societal expectations on us.

Think about it—how do you handle a negative comment or a lackluster response from your boss? What do you say to yourself when you need to step outside your comfort zone or when a new role or job opening comes up?

Does your self-talk motivate you? Or do you obsess about all the ways you fall short, catastrophize about the consequences, shame yourself for dreaming big, or guilt yourself for what it may mean for your kids? 

Constant self-doubt, fearmongering, or shame and blame, damages the self-trust we’re all born with. The psychologist Paul Gilbert, who has contributed significantly to the body of scientific literature on self-compassion, says we’d all be confident if we just stopped talking down to ourselves all the time!

The How

Step 1:

Think of something you
did today that you feel good about. 

Think about when in your life you feel anxious, frustrated, or unhappy.

What are you saying to yourself? Is it helpful, or even true?

Think of what you’re saying about yourself, but also about others or what’s possible or not possible for your life.

Step 2:

Now complete this sentence

Bring your wisest, most loving self to mind.

Think of who you are when you provide comfort to a friend who is struggling, when you’re resilient in the face of challenge, when you’re patient or perceptive in a relationship, or when you know exactly what to do in the midst of ambiguity.

Because we all have this wise, loving, and courageous presence in us. I call her the Inner Mentor. When you feel stuck or unhappy, it’s because you’ve become disconnected with your Inner Mentor.

Bring her to mind and ask yourself:

What would she say to me? What’s the one thing she’ll remind me of?

Unlike the mental frenzy of fear and shame, your Inner Mentor doesn’t like drama. She doesn’t instigate your emotions. Nor does she downplay or overlook them. She can sit with your inner landscape in non-judgment and guide you on the best way forward.

Step 3:

To build a habit of today’s strategy,

As always, print / download today’s strategy and make sure you keep it handy. And please share the link below with the women in your life who will also benefit from the challenge. They’ll get all the strategies, including the ones we’ve covered so far!