Sometimes we stay stuck in the same patterns of thought and behavior for years, decades even.

Year after year, the same goals show up on our new year’s resolutions or birthday goals. Day after day, we feel frustrated by our inability to take action. Even if we do, we end back right where we started.

Sounds familiar?

The reality is that fear keeps us small because its purpose is to keep us safe, not to help us thrive. And while its easy enough to work with fear when its exaggerated or untrue, our biggest fears are unknown to our conscious minds.

And these are the ones that keep us from what’s possible in our lives.

We cannot talk ourselves out of these fears because one, we can never really know what they are. Much harm has been done in the name of identifying core beliefs by unpacking childhood experiences. Research shows that it can leave people feeling more alone and victimized than before.

Secondly, the subconscious doesn’t speak the language of words. Telling yourself I’ve got what it takes is short-lived courage. Unless it’s backed by action, it can end up feeling a lot like the hollow affirmations on Saturday Night Live: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it people like me”.

So how do we take action when we cannot access the fears?

Focus less on overcoming the fears and more on embodying beliefs about yourself that help you take action. Show up believing they are true, because they’re as much a part of you as your fears.

Because here’s the reality. We all have fears, but we’re also made of stardust. We’re good, we’re love, we’re light. We’re valuable and powerful beyond measure. In fact, an old Hindu myth says that the gods hid these beliefs deep within us because they were afraid of their power.

This deep within has many names – some people call it the soul, some can it the inner child, some call it the core, creative or authentic self.

We often lose connection with the more magical parts of us because the soul also houses our fears. And when our experiences feed our fears, we forget the soul truths that we’re all born with, and that are the fuel for our goals and dreams.

When I think of showing up from our soul truths, I often think of a little child making mudpies on the beach. Notice her excitement, the spark in her eyes and how she’s oblivious of the scorching sun, or the fact that her mudpie is smaller than her sister’s, or that this is the third time she’s building it back after the waves knocked it down.

She is her work and her work is her, both flowing into each other as the waves flow in and out of the shore.

Imagine approaching our goals with that same spark and grit. I’ve been trying to do so with some of the most sticky fears and patterns I’ve had for years. And I can tell you it’s a far easier ride than trying to fight or fears or convince ourselves we have “what it takes”.

If you relate, here’s the process that I’ve designed. And if you want the reassurance that it’s been tested on more than my sample of one, you may want to know that its underpinned by the science of self-actualization.

Firstly, align your goals with what’s possible from the eyes of your inner child. What will be possible? Why does that excite you?

Secondly, think of the ‘how’ keeping your natural preferences in mind. What feels authentic? What do you enjoy? What non-negotiables do you have?

And lastly, be that little child as you go about your actions. Give yourself permission to fall, to fail, to be less than perfect. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way of doing this –

We often stumble not because we’re reaching for the stars but because we believe we’ve to be perfect in how we do so. There is no right way. As the Persian poet Rumi writes:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.